Obstacles in Parenting-Anxiety and Letting Go
Obstacles in Parenting
Anxiety and Letting Go
My son just left me for the first time ever. He’s 2, and I’m a ball of nerves. It’s unbelievable how different this is than leaving him for a couple of hours in the safety of our own home. I know I shouldn’t really have a reason to worry, but he’s my first baby, and this is a first for both of us.
As I installed the carseat into Grandmas car, she told me not to worry. I sheepishly admitted I was nervous, and again, she reassured me it would be fine. I gave my son his sippy cup and a book. He kissed me goodbye, and I stood there in the driveway, waiting for them to drive off. We looked at each other through the window, and I smiled and waved, letting him see that it was okay. And then he was gone.
Anxiety sets in:
I walked back into the house feeling like a bad parent. How could I just let my toddler leave my side? Would he be safe if I wasn’t there? Does he miss me? What if he doesn’t miss me?
I began the endless train of “what ifs,” and going over worst case scenarios in my mind. My stomach hurts. My chest is heavy and I want to cry.
I have plenty to do to keep me busy while he is gone, but I’m having a hard time focusing on a task. My mind constantly wanders back to my son, and if he’s doing okay.
Being a parent with anxiety isn’t the best combination at times. Something as simple as, letting your kid go with grandma for the day, is crippling in the mind of someone with anxiety. I don’t understand how parents can be so chill about this kind of thing. Maybe my anxiety just makes me uptight and it’ll get easier over time.
Does this get easier?
You would think I’d be enjoying my “break.” He’s a rambunctious toddler that never stops moving and it’s a lot to handle most days. But I miss him and can’t wait for him to be home already. This is too much for me right now.
I take my 5 month old and we go lay down. I force myself to sleep. Time passes quicker when you don’t have to deal with the nagging thoughts that invade your mind.
It’s finally 5 o’ clock and I hear the front door open. “Hiiiiiii,” he says, and my heart explodes. He’s home! All worry and anxiety are instantly gone. He’s safe. Nothing bad happened. I can breathe again.
Has anxiety ever made it difficult for you to handle situations as a parent?